Harassment
harassment; bullying; teasing; violence; digital; cyber; bully; victim; SMS; email;
Contents
Harassment (such as bullying and teasing) harms both the person being harassed and the person doing the harassment.
Harassment is much more common than many people believe.
What is harassment?
Harassment is when hurtful or upsetting things are repeatedly said or done to people.
- Harassment is also called bullying, teasing or peer abuse.
- Harassment can involve physical violence such as hitting, kicking, punching or pushing, or verbal violence including teasing and name-calling.
- Harassment can also include damaging, stealing or hiding a victim's things, or making demands for money or favours.
- Another form is to exclude victims, by encouraging others not to have anything to do with them, spreading lies or stories about them, ignoring them and not speaking to them.
Cyber harassment
Another type of harassment is 'cyber' harassment.
- This comes in the form of harassing SMS messages on mobile phones, and abusive emails.
- People can even do it anonymously – so you don’t know who it was.
- A type of electronic stalking can also occur, where the harasser sends messages over and over – this is called 'cyber-stalking'. This type of harassment is particularly scary, as it follows the person everywhere on their phone or computer at home or school.
The best way to avoid this is to be careful to whom you give your personal information. You could also change your phone number and email address. If it continues, you could contact the police or your telephone provider to work out ways of protecting yourself.
For more information have a look at 'Cyber bullying'.
Why do people pick on others?
Bullying comes from a belief that it is OK to act that way.
- Some people believe that it is OK to bully people who are different from them, such as people from different races and cultures, people with disabilities or people who are gay or lesbian.
- Some people believe that because they belong to the majority group (ie. there are more of them), they are somehow better than people in minority groups. This means that they might discriminate against and pick on people from minority groups.
- Sometimes people believe it is OK to bully because they have grown up with violence or harassment in their lives, and have come to believe this is a normal way of relating to others.
- When people have been hurt themselves, they could have low self esteem. They may start to feel they have no power in their lives. Harassing others may make them feel more powerful by controlling them.
Whatever the reason, it is not OK to bully.
- People chose to bully and harass.
- It is possible to take control and learn more positive behavioural choices that don't hurt others.
Victims are sometimes harassed by a group or 'gang' of their peers.
- Bullies may work in groups so they each feel less guilty about the harassment.
- It is easier for them to take less responsibility for the bullying by blaming their friends – for example, "the others started it…. I only joined in".
- Members of a group might also join in on harassing a victim because they are worried that if they don't, they will become victims themselves.
- A bully's self esteem may be low, and being in a group or gang makes them feel more important.
The impact of harassment
Harassment can have serious effects on victims
- Low self-esteem and feelings of sadness, anxiety, and loneliness become stronger.
- They may feel powerless and that they have very little control over their lives.
- They may stay home from work or school (or wherever the harassment is happening) to avoid harassment.
- They may develop physical illness, depression and thoughts of suicide. Some people have committed suicide because their lives were made miserable by harassment, and they believed that their situation could never improve.
- Some people may never get over childhood experiences. They may grow up with poorer self-esteem and higher rates of depression than adults who were not bullied as children.
What about those who do the bullying?
- Some bullies continue to think it is an OK thing to harass others.
- Long-term studies have shown that many people who are violent as adults have been bullies when they were young.
- Some bullies end up getting into trouble with the police, and have criminal records at a young age. Some end up serving a prison sentence.
- Some will enter into adult relationships where they use bullying, abuse and violence, and so that they keep the cycle going.
Why pick on me?
Anyone can be harassed, and it may never be clear why he or she has been singled out as a target.
- People who look a lot different from others can sometimes be picked on. This can be because they don't have the clothing or shoes advertised as popular, or because they don't have the ‘perfect’ look or body shape.
- People may be picked on because they are part of a minority group, or because they lack self confidence, or because they are smaller or weaker, or because they are brighter and have different values, or simply because they are there!
- Bullies often target people who are vulnerable and less able to protect themselves.
- They may target people who don't have many friends to help them.
- Often bullies will tease victims who react to stress by crying, getting upset or distressed. Bullies often find these reactions 'amusing', and will continue to torment these victims just so they can enjoy watching the way the victim reacts.
- Bullies are often not able to see how their behaviour feels from the victim's point of view.
What can you do if you are being harassed?
If you're being harassed, here are some tips.
- Remember, it is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. The behaviour of bullies is not OK. It is their responsibility.
- Tell yourself positive things about yourself every day, several times a day.
- Concentrate on positive things in your life.
- Do things that make you feel good.
- Build regular fun activities into your life.
- Do things that you know you're good at.
- Find new interests (they don't have to be expensive).
- Learn more about harassment. Understand why bullies behave in this way.
- If the harassment is happening at school, use the school policies and procedures for dealing with harassment at school, or before and after school.
- You could choose a teacher you think will take your complaint seriously and speak to her or him yourself, or you might prefer to tell your mum or dad, and let them contact the school staff for you.
- The school has a duty to make sure you are safe at school.
- If you are being harassed on the way to or from school, try to walk to school with friends if at all possible.
- Check if there are any safety houses in the area, and if so, where they are.
- If you feel that you are in danger of being hurt, and there are no safety houses nearby, you could knock on any door and ask for help.
- If a bully confronts you, try to walk away before the harassment actually starts.
- Bullies will often pick on victims in the hope that the victims will get upset or for any other reaction.
- Although it is easier said than done, try to ignore the harassment, and don't give the bullies the satisfaction of seeing you get upset.
- Try to speak firmly to the bullies, and tell them to leave you alone.
- It might also be helpful to take up self-defence classes. These classes not only provide you with some skills to help you defend yourself if you are threatened with attack, but can also build confidence and self-esteem.
- You might want to consider some assertiveness training.
- Find someone you can trust and tell him or her what is happening. They could help you to report the bullying and work out some strategies to stop it.
By telling someone, you are helping to protect others as well as yourself.
- In Australia and some other places if the harassment is very severe, or if you have been injured or threatened with physical violence, it is possible to take out a legal order that stops certain people from coming near you. You would need to speak to a police officer to see if this is a suitable action to take in your particular situation.
A bystander is someone who is around when something is happening.
If you are a bystander to bullying, either physical or non-physical, then you have four choices.
- You can stand and watch. This is a normal reaction for people to be curious or even excited about what is happening. The bully will enjoy the attention.
- You can support the bully. Maybe the bully is a friend of yours, or someone you’re afraid of. You’re letting the bully know that you approve of what is happening.
- You can leave. Not getting involved is a way to keep yourself safe and the bully will feel that it’s ok to continue.
- You can be an active bystander. You may say something to the bully, ask if the victim is ok, get help from friends, your boss or the Police.
If you choose to be an active bystander then make sure that you don’t put yourself in danger.
- Be loud and draw attention to what is happening so that more people come.
- Get others to help you get the victim away, if it is safe to do so.
- Use humour to stop the bullying and to calm the situation down.
The main idea is that you help the victim and let the bully know that this sort of behaviour is not ok, and will be reported to someone.
- Call the Police if there is a danger of someone being physically harmed or the situation is getting out of control.
Hey you - stop being a bully!
- Start to think about how victims of your harassment feel. The effects on others of your harassment can be serious and long term.
- If you find you are unable to deal with your own anger in a positive way, there are people who can help you practise new and more positive ways of dealing with anger. See your school counsellor or another counselling service.
- Be an individual and stand up for what you know is right – don't just go with the flow because the crowd is picking on one person.
- Violence and abuse are not OK ways to sort things out. They are illegal.
- Your violent or abusive behaviour can land you in trouble. You could be disciplined by the school, your workplace, a discrimination board, or face getting into trouble with the law.
- Remember that studies show that children and young people who bully others are more likely to end up in prison as adults. Choose not to go down that road. Change your behaviour now.
- If you feel that you don't have other ways to get your needs met, look at our topic on Assertiveness - what it means.
- Perhaps you're learning violent behaviour at home.
- If you are being bullied and harassed at home, there is help out there for you.
- Speak to an adult such as a school counsellor or a child protection service.
- You deserve the right to feel safe.
Josh says:
'Putting someone down, paying them out, or ganging up on someone are not ways to make you popular with other kids. No one is likely to want to be a true friend to someone who likes hurting others, so bullies often end up out of the group.
Victims can end up out of the group too. It's up to you to make sure that you dob in the bullies and keep complaining until something is done about it. Everyone has the right to feel safe, especially at school.'
Resources
South Australia
- School Counsellors and teachers at your school.
- Your local Community Health Centre.
- The Second Story Youth Health Service (TSS):
Central: 57 Hyde Street, Adelaide
South: 50a Beach Road, Christies Beach
North: 6 Gillingham Road, Elizabeth
West: 51 Bower Street, Woodville
Contact TSS via the Youth Healthline: 1300 13 17 19
mobile phone callers: (08) 8303 1691 - normal rates apply
- The Inside Out Project
Information, education and support for same sex attracted young men under 26 years.
http://insideout.cyh.com
Australia
Sourander, A. et al. What Is the Early Adulthood Outcome of Boys Who Bully or Are Bullied in Childhood? The Finnish "From a Boy to a Man" Study. Pediatrics, 2007; 120: 397-404.
The information on this site should not be used as an alternative to professional care. If you have a particular problem, see a doctor, or ring the Youth Healthline on 1300 13 17 19 (local call cost from anywhere in South Australia).