Moving
independent living; leaving; leaving home; moving house; moving out; teenagers moving;moving; indepence;
Contents
Moving is a big decision. There can be many reasons why you or your family are moving. It could be that you want to move out to be more independent or because you have to study or work in another city. You may have to leave home because you don't get along with your parents, or the whole family may be moving. Sometimes parents move without their children. You could be moving from the city to the country, interstate or overseas. Whatever the reason or the location, it involves a lot of planning and careful thought.
Reasons for moving
Following are some of the reasons why you may be moving.
- You choose to do so.
- You want to be more independent.
- You have to move for study or go to work.
- One of your parents is changing jobs.
- Your family is buying or building a new home.
- Your parents are separating.
- You're getting married or living with your girlfriend or boyfriend.
- You want to share with friends.
- You may have been asked to leave.
- You may want to live interstate or overseas.
- There is conflict or violence in your family.
Whether you choose to move, or have to it can involve a major life change. Sometimes we are able to plan things, other times we have to act quickly. Be prepared!
Be prepared
As moving can mean different things to different people, there are a lot of questions you can ask yourself and the people around you.
- What will this mean for me?
- Why do I want to move out?
- How will Mum and Dad take this?
- Where will I go?
- What can I afford?
- How will I move?
- What do my friends think?
- What will this mean for my relationship/school/work?
- How will I cope?
- When is the best time?
- What are my rights?
- Where can I get support?
- Can I come home if I need to?
- Will I be close to the things/people I need?
If you are moving with your family here are some questions for you.
- Why does the family have to move?
- How does everyone feel about the move?
- Where will we go?
- How will I cope?
- How are we going to move?
- Do I want to stay behind or go with them?
- What will my friends think?
- Will I have to change schools?
- What are the new opportunities for me?
- What are the benefits of living somewhere new?
Positives and negatives
There will always be positives and negatives in every major change you make in your life. Thinking about the advantages and positives will help you to be inspired about the move and to get the most out of the situation. Understanding the disadvantages will help so that you can be prepared and plan the change as best you can. Many positives and negatives can be the same depending on the way you view the situation, the reasons behind the move, and your support system.
Some of the positives include:
- freedom
- independence
- individuality
- sense of identity
- ability to make your own decisions
- new experiences
- change of scenery
- get along better with parents
- more responsibility
- less conflict
- new friendships and relationships
- confidence in yourself.
Some of the negatives could include:
- conflict with family
- stress on the family
- losing touch with friends
- relationships ending
- changing schools
- losing part-time work
- losing the day to day contact with your family
- more responsibility
- having to remember to pay the bills yourself
- losing some practical things such as a television, use of the family car etc
- lack of supports.
Note: If you are moving because your parents have to move because of work, you may feel very upset or cross about having to leave your friends. Tell your parents how you feel so you can work out together the best way to cope with the change. You may be able to visit old friends or have them to visit after the move, to phone them in the evenings when the rates are lower or to correspond by e-mail.
Remember that you have good skills to make friends because you already have friends that you are leaving, but don't expect too much too soon - it takes time. Joining in with sport or clubs at your new home as soon as you can will help you make the most of every possibility. There is always some sadness at times of change as well as new challenges and opportunities - trying to make the most of it, even if you did not want to go is the best way to enjoy your new life and you will end up with friends in two or more places, not just one!
Your parents
If you're leaving home, or staying behind when your family moves, you may have to deal with your parents' reaction/feelings about your decision. Having a child leave home (no matter what the young person's age) can be a difficult transition for parents to make, after all, you have been a major part of their lives for a lot of years. The way parents react can vary considerably. Some parents may see it as positive and accept your need for independence, others may be concerned about your ability to manage or your safety, while others may think you're leaving because you don't like to follow the rules at home, or because you don't like them. Reactions will be different based upon the relationship you had with your parents before you made this decision.
If you have a good relationship with your family/parents you will probably want to sit down and discuss the situation. Try to do this before you make any definite plans. Be clear about what you want to do and why, so you can best explain this to your parents. Listen to their views and try to understand where they're coming from. Let them know you appreciate their concern and respect their views. Try to work the issue through as a team. Think about using a problem solving technique. It may also make your parents feel better if they can be involved in your planning, or if you propose a trial period (this could also work well for you too!). If you're leaving in a hurry due to family conflict etc, see the section below titled Leaving after Conflict.
Going it alone
If you're going to rent a flat or house, by yourself or with a friend, consider the following things:
- Rights and responsibilities - both for yourself and the landlord or real estate agent. Take note of the conditions of your lease and your obligations. Get some advice if you're unsure - speak to your local rental assistance or tenancy authority. See Resources below.
- Make sure you inspect the property, taking note of things that are damaged or needing repair. Bring these to the attention of your landlord or agent before you sign an agreement. Keep a written copy signed by all parties concerned, in fact keep copies of all the paperwork involved.
- Take someone with you when you look - you may not notice something but your friend might! Keep in mind the types of facilities available, safety and security, and the location and position of the premises for convenience to transport etc. See if you can negotiate things like security doors before you move in.
- Check out how quickly repairs will be made when necessary, and if things can be done after hours in an emergency.
- Look at your budget. Work out how much you can afford, when rent is due, and take note of what you need to get started.
Leaving home after conflict
Some of you may not have a choice about leaving home. You may be escaping conflict or violence, or living in a difficult family situation. Moving because you have been asked to leave can be very stressful and you will probably need as much support as possible.
If your situation is difficult, and you have been unable to resolve the conflict at home, you need to find yourself a safe place to stay. Remember, your physical and emotional safety are very important!
If you have to move in a hurry, consider the following supports:
- Friends, other family members, or a trusted neighbour.
- Your local Police station (especially if you are under 18 years of age).
- Your local community health centre
[For emergency accommodation in South Australia, contact a crisis accommodation service close to you or Crisis Care, after hours, on 131 611. You can also go into your local Department of Family and Youth Services during the day (or the equivalent department in your state)].
Keeping in contact - coping with the move
Often when you move, you can lose touch with family or friends. Most people are so busy getting settled in that they have no time to think about how they will keep in contact with the people most important to them. Try to work this out with family and friends before you move. Exchange phone numbers, e-mail and home addresses or arrange to get together on a regular basis.
If you're moving out of home, you may like to get together with your family once a week for a meal. Invite them to your place sometimes. Try to also be around for special occasions like birthdays. Family and friends can be the most supportive, so keeping in contact is important.
If you are moving a long way from family and friends, look for supports in your new area (this can be something you look at when planning your move). Youth services or community centres often provide support to young people. You may also want to join a club or youth network to make new friends and to develop interests in your new location. Keeping busy and meeting new people will also help you to avoid feeling sad and will allow you to get used to your new environment.
Remember, it takes time to adjust to new surroundings. It takes time to settle in and get used to a new place. If you allow yourself the time to adjust, you will feel less pressure and more comfortable with the changes you have made.
Planning - issues to consider
A checklist is essential. No matter what your moving circumstances, it will help you cover all the bases. Here are some examples of the things you need to consider when preparing a checklist or making plans about moving.
- Ask yourself questions about what you want and listen to yourself. Seek advice, get the right information, and develop a plan.
- Brainstorm ideas about where you can live, how much you can afford etc.
- Look at your finances. How will you get an income? How will you pay the bills? Make enquiries about moving and rental allowances if appropriate (in Australia Centrelink can give you advice). Prepare a budget.
- Make decisions about the things you need and the things you can do without. Where can you get the necessities? Some ideas are to borrow from family or friends, shop around for second hand goods, or put things on layby. A possible list may be:
- bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers etc
- linen and towels
- desk, chair, bookshelf and computer if you're studying
- refrigerator
- kitchen items such as cooking utensils, pots and pans, cutlery, toaster, kettle etc
- table and chairs
- washing machine
- things to clean with like a mop, broom, bucket, vacuum cleaner
- heater/cooler
- personal items and clothing.
- You may decide there are some things you don't need straight away such as a washing machine (many people use a laundromat instead of having their own machine). Also consider whether or not you need insurance for your contents that go in the house.
- Contact utilities like gas, electricity, water, and telephone. Enquire about bonds and the ways you can make living cheaper, for example, you may be able to have a long-distance bar on calls from your telephone or only receive incoming calls.
- Work out how you are going to move. Can you ask your parents, other family members, or friends? Will your housing authority help, or do you need to organise a removalist?
- Do you have someone to help you move or give you support for the first day/night?
- Packing - when do you need to do it? How are you going to organise this? Do you have people to help you?
- Check out services in the area - health centre, doctor, dentist, chemist, hospital, banks, shops, public transport, collection times for rubbish and recycling etc. Visit the area for a day to see what it's like.
- If sharing or moving out with someone, think things through, discuss what you both want and like/dislike, what you can both afford, and how the bills and chores will be shared. Check out whose name the lease is in. Find out what everyone in the house does for meals and entertainment. Work this out before you start living together, otherwise it can be difficult.
- Prepare yourself for the first few weeks in a new place - save for extra expenses. Remember, you're in a new environment and it may take longer to get to where you need to go, to get used to new transport routes and timetables, and to establish a new routine.
- Safety and security are important, especially if living on your own. Look at the safety features of your new home, and identify the things you need to improve. Know who you can contact in an emergency, and devise yourself a safety plan, especially if catching public transport at night.
- Keep a file on everything you've organised, checked out, need to know, or already paid for - make sure you keep receipts.
- Notify people and change your address details - this may include family and friends, school or university, work, banks, drivers' licence etc.
Resources
South Australia
The information on this site should not be used as an alternative to professional care. If you have a particular problem, see a doctor, or ring the Youth Healthline on 1300 13 17 19 (local call cost from anywhere in South Australia).