Nightmares
nightmare; dreams; sleepwalking; sleep; night terrors; night; terrors. ;
Contents
Nightmares are frightening dreams which wake children up, and leave them feeling upset and scared that something awful has happened or is going to happen. The nightmare may be about something that is real, such as something that has happened to themselves or family members, or about imagined things such as monsters. Children may also have bad dreams that do not wake them, but which they remember in the morning. Having nightmares and bad dreams can make children they feel worried when it is time to go to sleep the next night.
The pattern of nightmares
Almost all children have nightmares or bad dreams sometimes, and many need their parents to comfort them back to sleep. Adults may also have nightmares or bad dreams.
- Nightmares happen during 'dreaming' sleep (also called REM sleep - REM stands for Rapid Eye Movement). Most dreaming sleep happens towards the end of the night, so usually children wake with nightmares in the second half of the night.
- When a child wakes from a nightmare, he will want to be comforted, he will be aware that you are there, and will be able to tell you something about what has frightened him if he is old enough to be able to put it into words.
- Children often take some time to go back to sleep after a nightmare because they are worried that the bad dream will come back.
- Children who are having lots of nightmares may not want to go to bed at their normal bedtime because they are worried that they will have another bad dream.
Nightmares or night terrors?
- Night terrors is the name for a different pattern of disturbed sleep.
- Night terrors, or sleep terrors, do not happen during dreams and the child does not completely wake up.
- Night terrors happen during the first half of the night, often about 1 to 2 hours after a child goes to sleep.
- The children are very distressed, and may cry loudly or even scream, but when their parents try to calm them down, the children do not seem to be aware that their parents are there.
For more information see our topic Night terrors and other sleep disturbances.
What causes nightmares?
- Nightmares may be linked with things that have happened during the day, especially things which are worrying, such as starting school, getting lost, being bullied, being barked at by a dog, having something happen to the family (such as illness or family fights) or something bad happening in the world (something seen on TV for example).
- Dreams and nightmares seem to be ways for people to deal with their worries and work out ways of managing.
- As children gain confidence in dealing with the problems of growing up, nightmares tend to become fewer, but something bad, like a burglary, can bring them back for a while.
- Nightmares happen more often when children are unwell, especially if they have a fever. Some medicines can cause nightmares, while nightmares can sometimes start when other medicines are stopped.
- Nightmares also tend to happen more often if children are not getting enough sleep.
What to do in the middle of the night
Mostly what children need from parents is comfort and calm reassurance that everything is all right and that mummy or daddy will keep them safe. They may come to you, or you may need to go to them and comfort them.
- Lots of children wake and think that what they have dreamt is real, because it is about real people and what is happening to them. Children can be told that dreams are not real but they need to be quite old to fully understand this.
- If your child is too frightened to be left alone, you could sit or lie down with her until she goes back to sleep.
- You could leave the bedroom doors open and a night light on.
- Perhaps gently ask her to tell you about the nightmare. It often helps children to talk about it, but try not to get into long talks in the middle of the night. You could ask more during the next day.
- Something like a gentle massage, song or music tape might help her relax.
It can take quite a while for the child to go back to sleep because the nightmare has been so real and very frightening for her.
During the day
If nightmares are happening a lot, think about what is going on in your child's life. Nightmares and night worries often go along with daytime worries. Try to make what is happening less stressful if you can.
- For example, if there are nightmares during toilet training, it might be worth going more gently or putting it off for a while.
- Older children can be encouraged to talk about their worries and problems. Nightmares can be a sign that a child is being harassed or even abused, or that a child is very anxious or depressed.
- Images on TV and video can disturb children's sleep. Carefully choose what programs your children watch. The TV news programs are especially frightening and children generally should not watch news and current affairs programs.
Talk with your child about the nightmares at a time when he is calm and feeling safe.
- Ask if he can think of anything that might help him feel safer at night. Maybe a nightlight would help, or having a pet nearby, or sharing the room with a brother or sister. Encouraging your child to be involved in planning what would help him to feel safe is very important, as it involves him personally in doing something about his fears, and learning to take control rather than being helpless.
If your child is having a lot of nightmares, it may be useful for you (not your child) to make a record ('sleep diary') of what is happening during the day, and the number and time of bad dreams and nightmares, to see if there is a pattern that you can change.
Going to bed
Children who are having a lot of bad dreams are often very worried about going to bed, and may refuse to stay in bed by themselves. Evening routines are often helpful.
- Wind down the day's activities, eg. with a bath, story, talk with a parent, tuck into bed and goodnight hug. Story tapes or music to listen to in bed can be useful.
- A 'comforter' such as a teddy, other toy or a dummy for younger children helps many children to feel more relaxed at bedtime.
- Avoid any TV programs, videos, computer games or scary stories that could worry your child.
- You could try going into your child's bedroom just before you go to bed, and touch her gently so that she half wakens, and say something like "You are very special and I love you". This often helps to give a restful night and is a lovely way for children to go to sleep.
Using children's imagination
- Some people say it is important that if children are afraid of 'monsters', that you do not pretend that there are monsters (eg. don't look under the bed or in the cupboard for them), because this tells children that you also believe in monsters.
- Other people try to use the vivid imagination of young children to 'protect them from monsters', for example, by getting them to imagine something or someone taking care of them. Some people find that 'fairy dust' sprinkled around a room helps a child to laugh and feel happier at bedtime.
- Some people have found that getting children to draw what is scaring them, then screwing up the paper and throwing it away helps give children a sense of power over what is scaring them.
- A relaxation exercise, where you help your child to think of a beautiful, happy and safe place and imagine himself there, may help him drift off to sleep more easily. There are some books of children's meditation that might be useful for this.
- You will need to be careful in what you decide to do, making sure it fits your child, and that you stop it if it is not working.
When to seek help
If nightmares are very disturbing, or if they keep happening for a month or two, and if the causes are difficult to work out, then it may help to get some professional advice. Nightmares can be a sign that a child is very anxious or depressed.
Resources
South Australia
Children, Youth and Women's Health Service - Parent Helpline 1300 364 100
References
Finn Davis K, Parker KP, Montgomery GL 'Sleep in infants and young children: part two: common sleep problems' J Pediatric Health Care 18(3):130-137, 2004.
Mindell JA, Owens JA 'A clinical guide to pediatric sleep: diagnosis and management of sleep problems,' Lippincott Williams and Wilkins, 2003
Stores G 'Practitioner review: assessment and treatment of sleep disorders in children and adolescents' Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, Vol 37, No 8 pp907-925, 1996.
Written in partnership
Child and Youth Health - Parenting SA
Related Parent Easy Guide - (Parenting SA web site - PDF format)
The information on this site should not be used as an alternative to professional care. If you have a particular problem, see a doctor, or ring the Parent Helpline on 1300 364 100 (local call cost from anywhere in South Australia).
This topic may use 'he' and 'she' in turn - please change to suit your
child's sex.