Teenage parties
party; teenager; teenage; parties; driving; parent; responsibilities; smoking; supervision; guests; uninvited; gatecrashers; crashing; alcohol; transport; drugs; rules;
Contents
Having parties, being invited to parties and going to parties are all a very important part of the life of a teenager. Most teenagers look forward to them with great anticipation and excitement - and most parents worry about what can go wrong.
What are parties all about?
Parties are for:
- fun
- an opportunity to share and make new friends
- strengthening friendships and being accepted by the group
- an opportunity to show off their friends to their family (don't criticise their friends – even if you don't like the way they’re dressed)
- an opportunity for parents to see their children growing up and socialising
- an opportunity to learn the skills of planning and entertaining
- a celebration of milestones in growing up - milestones need to be marked!
Some things worth knowing
- Supervision of teenage parties by responsible adults is necessary, even though teenagers may not want this. Parents holding the party are responsible for the safety of those who attend their teenager's party. This responsibility can also extend to include guests who may be hanging around near the party. There may be legal consequences if you have breached your legal duty of care, eg. if someone is hurt, you may be liable for their injury.
- Parents can supply alcohol in their home to teenagers, as it is on private premises. Teenagers under 18 years (minors) should not be allowed to take alcohol from the party to drink somewhere else. If you know that this is happening, you could be held liable. It is against the law for them to drink alcohol in any public place, (eg. out on the footpath, near their cars or in a nearby park) unless they are with their parent or guardian. If you intend to allow alcohol at a party, make sure that the other parents know.
- When parents supply the alcohol at a party, they have greater control over the amount and the type of drink that's available. Parents may have a greater chance to prevent the risk of individuals drinking excessively.
- Liquor licensing laws will apply where there is buying and selling of the liquor or there is payment of money to be able to attend the party and drink. See the information in the Resources section below about teenagers and alcohol below.
- Uninvited guests (gatecrashers) are becoming more common. It's a good idea to ask another couple, a friend or relative for support. As a safety precaution, some parents will notify the police in advance of the date and address of the party, just in case something goes wrong. Some parents hire a security company person with expertise in managing crowds - this can also be a deterrent to uninvited guests).
- Monitor the number of invitations so that the party is less likely to get out of hand. Discourage the use of internet and SMS text messages on mobile phones to invite people.
When your teenager is going to a party
There are differences among teenagers in how they party. A lot will depend on their age, their friends, what their interests are, and the amount of freedom and supervision that parents provide.
When your teenager is invited to a party here are some of the things you might want to do
- Speak to the parents beforehand to check if they will be home or who will be supervising.
- Ask the parents if there will be alcohol at the party. Decide whether you think it is appropriate for your teenager (you may have to make a decision based on health and safety which will be unpopular with your teenager in the short term)
- Decide on transport arrangements. Will you or another adult take and bring home your teenager? Are you prepared to let your teenager go in a car with a friend on P plates? Is it clear before the party that whoever drives won’t drink? What if the friend drinks? Does your teenager have a 'fall-back' position in an emergency, eg taxi money or a phone contact to reach you if you are out? Will your child be staying overnight and how will she get home next day?
- Going to the door when you drop them off can sometimes embarrass teenagers. However you may need to if you are not sure whether the parents will be home. Don't be afraid to go to the door when you collect your teenager. It is often acceptable to teenagers because they get to stay longer, and you get to meet parents (who may become friends).
- Discuss with your teenager a time when you expect her to be home. Don't be too different from what other parents decide. Talk it over with a friend who has teenagers if you feel unsure.
- Find out by asking what, if any, videos will be shown. Teenagers love thrills and suspense but R and X-rated movies (and some M-rated ones) are not appropriate for young teenagers and may be very disturbing. You may have to make another unpopular decision.
- Check with your teenager that you are both clear about the rules - what is OK behaviour and what is not acceptable, and the consequences if the rules are broken.
What your teenager might expect to do
- Decide whether he wants to go or not.
- Decide what he will wear.
- Have 'a say' in what time he will come home.
- Go with someone. It is sometimes difficult for teenagers to go in to parties alone. Make it possible for them to go and come home with a friend. You may need to transport a friend or several friends, or take your teenager to the home of a friend to get ready.
- Have a friend over so they can get ready together.
- Sometimes have a friend sleep over after the party – re-living the party can be half the fun.
- Choose and buy a birthday present himself.
If your teenagers are older, these responsibilities can gradually be taken over by the teenagers themselves. Eventually they will be making their own decisions. Practise with you in the 'passenger seat' is a good idea.
- Parents have the right to remind older teenagers about being safe, such as not drinking and driving and not being alone in dangerous situations.
- Parents have the right not to be worried and to be told of changes in plans such as homecoming time.
When your teenager is having a party
There is a difference in the way teenagers will party. A lot will depend on their age, their friends, what their interests are, and the amount of freedom and supervision that parents provide.
- Work out the 'ground rules' with your teenager before the party is announced. The planning can be quite daunting. Remember that even though some points may be hotly debated, at the end of the day it is your responsibility. Talk about these things together:
- how many friends will come
- how loud the music can be and what time it’s turned off
- what are the budget limits
- what food to have
- whether alcohol is to be allowed (do you supply or do guests provide?)
- what about smoking? ie. inside and/or outside the home, or not at all (remember that if any guests have asthma smoking can trigger an attack)
- how to respond if other drugs are used
- what to do if someone gets sick or drunk
- whether some rooms in the house, including bedrooms, are off limits
- what to do if gatecrashers come
- what time the party will end
- how guests will get home
- who will clean up after the party - expect your teenager to help prepare and clean up
- how will your teenager (or you) make some of the ground rules known to the guests?
- Be clear with your teenager about what you each expect, but don't be too heavy handed about the rules.
- If you have made it clear that there is to be no alcohol, especially with younger teenagers, and you discover them drinking, be prepared to tackle this. You are responsible for their safety in your home and their parents expect it of you. It can be difficult to do, and embarrassing for your teenager, but it's important to remind your teenager's friends that this was not agreed to. Ask to mind the alcohol while they are in your home.
- You might talk to other parents about their experiences with teenage parties.
- Warn the neighbours about the party beforehand. Some people do a letterbox drop in the street or block with a brief note the week before.
- If you are having a large party, think about hiring security.
- Register the party with your local police.
- Find out about noise regulations.
- Parents' phone numbers may be helpful, eg. if a teenager is drunk and afraid to go home.
- Invite some adult helpers - work out who will do what.
At the party
- Have only one entrance to the party.
- Make sure that vehicle access is not blocked.
- Don't drink or use drugs yourself.
- If you have made it clear that there is to be no alcohol, especially with young teenagers, and you discover them drinking, be prepared to tackle this. You are responsible for their safety in your home and their parents expect this of you. It can be difficult to do, and embarassing for your teenager, but it's important to remind your teenager's friends that this was not agreed to. Ask to mind the alcohol while they are in your home.
- Suggest drivers hand in their car keys when they arrive. A teenager on 'P' plates should not be driving if they have had any alcohol to drink.
- Keep an eye on proceedings without being obvious.
- Every so often consult your teenager.
- Occasionally check the garden and boundaries.
- Refuse gatecrashers and phone the Police if you sense things are starting to get out of hand - and before they do.
- Encourage guests to leave at the time you have chosen for the party to end.
- Written invitations have advantages in communicating what you expect from guests, eg. whether the party will have a theme, dress, special occasion, whether alcohol will be provided/or allowed, time party will end, RSVP.
- Activities can take the focus off drinking, eg pool table, jukebox, dance, karaoke, sports activities, competitions.
- Eating doees not stop people getting drunk, but food in the stomach slows down the process. Remember salty nuts, chips and crackes make people thirsty.
Reminders
- Helping your teenager plan for a party can be fun!
- Half of the fun of a party is the getting ready for it and talking about it afterwards.
- The more thought and preparation that goes into the planning the more smoothly it is likely to go.
- Let your teenager go to parties, but do your homework first.
- Some teenagers are 'nervous' about going to parties and others are ‘nervous’ about having them.
- You have a responsibility to provide a safe environment for your teenager's party
- Talk to other parents. They are often feeling the same as you.
Resources
South Australia
- Drug and Alcohol Services South Australia (DASSA). 'Safe Partying - what parents need to know':
http://www.dasc.sa.gov.au/webdata/... (PDF document - 811Kb)
- Drug and Alcohol Services South Australia (DASSA). 'Safe Partying - what young people need to know':
http://www.dasc.sa.gov.au/webdata/... (PDF document - 789Kb)
- Police - phone 131 444 or emergency 000
- (CYWHS) Youth Healthline - phone 1300 13 17 19 (24 hours, 7 days a week)
- (CYWHS) Parent Helpline - phone 1300 364 100 (24 hours, 7 days a week)
Australia
Written in partnership
Drug and Alcohol Policy Section SA Police -
Child and Youth Health - Parenting SA
Related Parent Easy Guide (Parenting SA website - PDF format)
The information on this site should not be used as an alternative to professional care. If you have a particular problem, see a doctor, or ring the Parent Helpline on 1300 364 100 (local call cost from anywhere in South Australia).
This topic may use 'he' and 'she' in turn - please change to suit your
child's sex.